I understand that opening your legs for a DJ Blueband or DJ Thitimaa (deejays have funny names these days) seems like it would be a perk-filled romp extravaganza. You think your new dreadlocked bae will not only shower you with ego-stroking affection, but he also comes with an endless playlist of sick tunes, free drinks and VIP access to clubs.
Well, you can stop right there. Because even if you get to clink glasses filled with vodka cocktails every weekend while getting devoured on a turn table, you can pretty much bet that it's going to end badly.
Sorry for all my deejay friends but I have to do this.
Ladies, here are reasons why all you ladies should avoid sleeping deejays
Lungula is two minutes maximum
Just as deejays are used to playing a song for not more than two minutes, the same principle will apply in the bedroom or club washroom – wherever it is that he’s shagging you. He won’t do so for more than two minutes. A deejay always has hot new songs waiting in line to play and guess what? He has hot new chics to shag too. So get your two minutes of fame, appreciate and leave
There will always some groupie right around the corner with giant puppy eyes and a mouth ready to suck up every last inch of semi-famous man-tool. This is a battle you can't win. Your feelings don't measure up to groupie competition.
He will shock you with weird phrases in bed
Ladies, while a DJ is busy plighting into your farm down there, he’ll drop funny phrases on you like, ”ikibamba sana wapi nduru weweeeee!”. You think you have seen crazy guys in bed? Well you haven’t seen sh!t yet. Wait till you meet a deejay
You see, the problem with any typical Kenyan deejay is that most of the times, his balls are bigger than his brains. Some of them have morals so low they could milk a snake. So don’t be surprised if you are made to do the nastiest shit in bed
His face won’t beam with cherubic delight when he sees your striking body for the first time because he has probably seen plenty That sucks right?
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